


I'll Do It

by Shaleschnueffler



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftermath of a Case, Angst, Death, Early in Canon, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Loneliness, Loss, Pain, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Short, Short One Shot, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 14:45:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17727203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaleschnueffler/pseuds/Shaleschnueffler
Summary: He should've tried harder. He should've been there. He should've known.But he'd fucked it up. And there was just no turning back.





	I'll Do It

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, this work was the last chapter of a "5 times he did and 1 time he didn't" fic that I wrote back in September but since I'm not content with the first versions, and not motivated enough to rewrite them, I decided to only upload this one.

_A roaring storm had broken loose above the sea that was his body, the rising tide shaping waves of emotions so high they could swallow a man in one, the billows crashing loudly and violently upon breaking against the wavering ship that was his heart, left at the mercy of the howling gale. The boat was thrown from side to side, the raging sea ripping holes into its hull, but somehow it was still battling against the waves, not yet willing to give in although it was a fight impossible to win._  
  
_There was a raging storm inside of him, slowly but steadily pulling his heavy heart beneath the water's surface but his face was blank and pale, his body motionless, his surroundings silent. There was nothing in his dark eyes that were still fixated on the still body in front of him, nothing but emptiness._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said before Dean had nodded and he'd stepped out of their hiding spot, shotgun slung over his shoulder behind his back. The werewolves had turned around the second the floor had creaked beneath his weight._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, determination and courage burning in his hazel eyes before the pack had charged at him, eyes filled with anger and fury and some kind of insane joy, teeth bared, claws scratching at the moldered wooden floor._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, one hand carefully placed on his revolver before both men had lifted their weapons and pulled the trigger once, twice, thrice, countless times, the deafening bangs of the shots echoing back from the narrow walls._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, the confidence clear in his steady voice before Dean's magazine had gone empty, forcing him to reload, eyes not leaving his brother who'd still been standing in the middle of the dim room, shooting at everything that was making a move in the darkness._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said before a giant wolf had knocked him down and keen pain had shot through his body, leaving him helpless._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, certain that nothing bad would happen, that everything would go according to plan before sharp fangs had pierced the thin skin at his neck, and the room had started spinning, and his vision had blurred and eventually faded into empty blackness._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, and it had been both a silent plea for Dean to finally let him prove his capability, as well as a promise to his brother that everything was going to be okay._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, and this had been both the first and the last time that Dean regretted agreeing to let Sam do the job._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said before he'd done it._  
  
_God_ , and _how_ he'd done it.  
  
But Dean wasn't proud of him, no.  
  
Not at all.  
  
Because, although it was obvious that Sam wouldn't want him to blame himself, Dean still knew that it was _entirely his fault_ that, _in the end_ , his brother _hadn't managed to live through doing it._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, but that had been before he'd known how badly Dean would fuck everything up._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, but that had been before he'd known how it all had been going to end._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said, and he'd done it._  
  
_\- "I'll do it", Sam had said._  
  
_And Dean could've known, no, he **should've known** , that 'doing it' simply wasn't the same as 'making it'._  
  
_Make it._  
  
_The single thing that Sam hadn't done._


End file.
